


The holes we dig

by nbsophie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Binge Eating Disorder, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-08-13 08:06:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7968880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbsophie/pseuds/nbsophie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma had always, in a way, been a binger. He binge watched tv shows, payed games nonstop to the end right when they came out, obsessed over new volleyball strategies when it caught his interest. It was almost inevitable that this would happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in like, seven years so please be kind. Just a warning i dont like looking up the exact dialogue of the show so i keep most of the same events but i change the conversations.

Kenma sat on the steps outside the gym knees pulled to his chest, head resting on them. He couldn’t help but wonder why he was even there. He heard steps behind him.

“It’s just because they feel threatened, they know youre better then them.” kuroo said trying to cheer him up. Kenma had ran more laps than anyone, being pushed way to hard by the third years.

“Its fine, it doesn’t even matter” Kenma lied. He was tiring to not let it bother him but the whole thing had hurt his pride. He got up to leave. 

“Kenma wait” Kuroo reached out but was stopped by Kenmas hand. 

“No really, everything is fine, i’m okay.” He said hoping that repeating it would both get kuroo off his back and help himself believe it.

“I promise, next year will be better.” Kuroo said, trying to be reassuring.

Kenma nodded keeping his head lowered “ ya i guess” he said halfheartedly. “im fine, im just gonna go home.” 

He set off walking away from a still worried Kuroo. He felt guilty for leaving his friend feeling so bad but he just had to get out of there. He walked cross the school grounds feeling the almost deserted courtyard to be stifling. He left the school turning on to the street.

He walked along the still moderately busy streets of the city. There was something itching at him, a weight in his stomach. He tried to ignore it, quickening his pace but it got worse. Suddenly the people around him felt like too much. Even the air felt like it was pressing against him. The horrible weight welled up in him threatening to explode. He had to get out of there off the street so he turned into the nearest shop.

Without much though Kenma found himself standing in front of the snack isles in one of the corner stores on his route home. He started to gab anything he could get his hands on without thinking about if he even liked it. 

When his arms where full he placed them all on the check out counter, rocking on his feet waiting for the ring up. A quick swipe of his card and finally he was out the door with his bags full of treats. He fumbled with his keys, coming home to an empty house as usual as his mom was still at work. When he finally got in he practicality ran up to his room, dropped his bags on the floor and closed the door behind him.


	2. things worsen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~time skip~

School had been hard. He’d had to read in class, dropped his lunch on the floor, and had extra homework. He was even off during practice, setting terribly, and missing serves. 

“Hey is everything alright?” Yaku approached him in the locker room. Kenma was feeling the itch and just couldn’t talk.

“Ya, everything is fine, I’m just not having a good day, i’ll do better next practice.” He kept his head down using his untied shoe as an excuse to hide behind his hair.

“Oh i don’t care about that, I wanna know that you’re doing ok.Ya know I’m always here if you need someone to-”

“Really I’m fine, just an off day.” Kenma cut him off, not wanting to deal with the guilt of his friend being worried for him. The room was starting to become stifling, too much to deal with, he knew he just had to get out. He passed Yaku on the way out the door. He practically ran for the exit but Kuroo caught up to him catching his arm.

“Kenma wait, please talk to me.” He sounded so desperate and worried, a pit started to grow in his stomach.

“There's nothing to say, everything is fine, im fine, i promise.” Kenma was lying through his teeth but the weight was growing and he desperately needed to just get out of there.”

“No you’re not, I can tell when you’re lying, did something happen?” kurro Asked softly now, trying to get through, but it was too late, he needed his relief.

Kenma pulled away and started off again “Nothing happened I just wanna be alone.”

He was on his phone on the way home ordering a large serving of take out. The moment he got the door open he made a beeline toward the kitchen. He ripped open the cabinets and started grabbing at the bags.

He couldn't stop once he started eating. Didn't really know why, as he quickly showed chips, three at a time into his mouth. The rough texture hurt his mouth, every bite now painful.

As he started to scrap the bottom of the second chip bag the doorbell rang. He opened the door, payed, and took the food. He quickly grabbed all his food and took it up to his room, closing the door behind him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's gross, Kenma thought, looking at the empty food containers next to his bed. They had been there, a bunch of take out boxes and some chip bags starting to stink spread out on the floor. 

He turned away facing the wall and closed his eyes trying for a moment to make the mess disappear and for last night's events to not have happened but he had no such luck.  
Eventually he signed and got up, cleaned up the whole mess, breaking down the boxes and taking out the trash, quietly hiding his shame. After the evidence was disposed of he got ready for the day.

He walked downstairs finding the house already empty as usual. His mom worked double hours after the divorce a few months before. 

He stops to stare at the kitchen, hand on his still bloated stomach, no, he thinks, no breakfast after last night's binge. He couldn’t stand to be around any more food. Slipping on his shoe's he was out the door on the way to school. 

As always Kuroo met him at the corner. He looked so cool resting his back against the side of a building, sun lighting his hair perfectly. Kenma stopped that train of thought as he reached him, putting his head down to play a game on his phone.

Kuroo looked over at him and smiled. “Good morning, hope you slept well and stopped gaming when I told you to this time.”

Kenma rolled his eyes. Every night at 12am Kuroo sent him a message telling him to go to sleep and though it was a sweet gesture they both knew it was useless. “Yep, I definitely did. In bed at 12 sharp” he said sarcastically.

“I’m sure those bags under your eyes are nothing. You're not getting sick are you?” Kuroo playfully said back as they started down the street to school. 

“It’s so nice that you think of my health.” kenma grabbed kuroo’s sleeve so he could focus on his game only haft present in their conversation.

“Well of course I do, you're my friend” Kuroo said softly, sounding very genuine. Kenma knew he was referring to yesterday, but neither of them saying more, Kenma because he wanted to avoid the situation and Kuroo because he didn’t want to push too hard and scare his friend away. 

Kenma didn't look up from his game but did clench kuroos sleeve tighter, heart fluttering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it please comment if you wanna i really appreciate it!


	3. kenmas house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to J for being my beta for this chapter! hope you like it!

“Hey, do you wanna hang out after practice today?”, Kuroo leaned over Kenma’s desk, nibbling on his forgotten lunch, Kenma too caught up in his game to focus on it. 

He looked up from his game. “Uh ya, that should be fine. Your house or mine?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yours, if you don’t mind. I kinda want to get away from my folks for a little while”, he took another bite from Kenma’s food.

“I never mind.” He said, turning back to his game.

“Yay, I always love hanging out at your house”, Kuroo’s voice was exaggerated, a playful smile on his face. Kenma hides his face behind his hair to cover the light blush on his face. He always liked Kuroo’s smiles.

“Ya, it’s not like you come over all the time”, he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. 

“Well, I love it all the same”, he smiled. The teacher returned signaling the end of lunch. There was a lot of movement in the class as people returned to their seats. Kenma shut off his psp and got up to dump the rest of his lunch. 

Later that day practice started. After some warm-up laps, the team started their separate training. Kenma was paired with Lev to help him with more complex spikes. 

“Ok, let's do a left quick”, Kenma said motioning lazily to the side.

“Alright!”, Lev was so like a puppy. A giant puppy. It kinda amused Kenma when he didn’t have to deal with him for too long, like right now.

“Remember to aim for the bottle”, Kenma spun the ball in his hands before throwing it up and serving it behind him to lev. Lev jumped, swung, and missed, again. He landed on the wood of the gym with a bounce looking sheepish, the ball bounced beside him, rolling off.

“Ahh, sorry. I didn’t get the timing right. Let’s go again!” Oh, Kenma felt a painful headache behind his eyes. Lev was nice but trying to work with him was just really exhausting. 

Yaku spotted the encounter from across the gym. Like the angel he was, he came over; “Actually, it’s time for you to work on your reserves. You’re still awful at it.”

They walked away, Lev whining earning him a hit to the side.

Kenma went to get a water bottle needing to take a break. After, he worked with the Nekoma’s ace, Yamamoto.

When practice wrapped up, Kenma and Kuroo walked together to his house.

“Sorry to intrude”, Kuroo said as Kenma opened the door to the townhouse. Taking off his shoes Kenma said; “It’s ok, no one's home.” He closed the door behind them switching on the overhead light. It lights up the small light blue hall. “ Do you want anything from the kitchen?”

“Na, I’m good.” Kenma started up the steps Kuroo not far behind, their socked steps sounding soft on the wood.

“Okay then, let's just go to my room.” They went through the first door on the left. 

They entered Kenma’s relatively neat room, bookshelves lined with wide games and books.  
~~~~~~  
You’d think that Kuroo, having been the blondes friend for years and having been talked countless time into afternoons playing games, would be pretty good at them. Well, that's not the case, Kuroo was painfully bad. It was strange because he’d had a lot of practice and perfect hand-eye coordination. It remained a mystery to him how anyone could beat any game when he had a hard time even getting his player to move in the right direction let alone fight.

Kenma knew this and, finding it hilarious, always set Kuroo up with a difficult game. He found it hard to stifle his laughing every time Kuroo found a creative new way to die or simple walk his character of a clift in Dark Souls.

Kuroo knew what Kenma was doing but never really cared about losing continuously because it was worth it to listen to the other’s cute laughter.

They played through all of the mario kart maps. Even with a kids game, Kuro still sucked. He always ended up in the last place, often not even finishing. Of course, Kenma got first place effortlessly every time. They played Kenmas favorite map, rainbow road, over and over. It’s not that he really had a preference for it, it was just the one Kuroo was the worse at. He barely paid any attention to his own character instead watching Kuroo making a beeline for the edge falling into the abyss.

“Ok but this game is rigged”, Kuro said madly, placing his remote in front of him. Kenma couldn’t hold it in any longer. He broke out laughing, face red, chest heaving. Kenma was a loud laugher. He hugged himself starting to tear up.

“Oh My God”, he gasped out between laughs. “I’m sorry but you’re so bad.”

Kuroo was smiling and started laughing himself, finding Kenma’s loud laugh infectious. They sat laughing on the floor at Kenma’s room while the music of the leader board play in the background. 

“Uh, ok”, Kenma wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “Do you wanna play something different?” 

Kuroo felt his phone buzz and checked it. Instantly the happiness dropped from his face. “As much as I’d love to, I’ve got to leave. My parents want me home like, ten minutes ago.”

Kuroo and Kenma walked down the stairs, heading to the door. Kenma opened the door and Kuroo walked out, turning back at the doorstep.

“Okay, I had a lot of fun today, even if I lost every game”, Kuroo smiled, his eyes going gentle, the afternoon sun lighting his features. Kenma though he looked beautiful.

He gripped the door a little harder. “You’re sure you wanna leave?”, his voice meek.

“Of course I don’t wanna leave but my parents were really insistent. In fact, I probably stayed too long as it is. Sorry, I gotta hurry home”, Kuroo leaned in and pulled Kenma into a hug. He felt so warm and safe, smelling that woody scent that was so Kuro that it hurt. All too soon, Kuroo pulled away. “I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”

“Ok.” Kenma felt cold and already kinda lonely, missing him before he’d even left.

Kuroo turned and started down the steps to the street, he looked over his shoulder. “Make sure to go to sleep at a reasonable time!”

Kenma smiled and waved, closing the door softly behind him. He took a deep breath, leaning his head on the hardwood of the door. Being around Kuroo always made his heart flutter and pound. After a few more breaths he turned around and just sort of stared around his house, from the stairs to the kitchen a little down the hall to the open shown case style living room that was perfectly put together showing it’s disuse. It all felt too quiet, too empty. The house had felt this way since the divorce. His dad hadn’t contacted them since he’d left. Kenma would never admit it, but he missed him. He missed forced family dinners and load gatherings in the living room when sports season started. The ever familiar weight formed in his stomach, feeling like the knot in his throat. 

He headed toward the kitchen and leaned against the table in the silence, trying to calm down. It all felt so overwhelming though like he was being hit by a tile wave. 

He looked at the clock. Seven thirty. The usual time that people had sat down for dinners. His mom wouldn’t be home before nine at the earliest, finding any excuse stay out of the house. Suddenly his chest hurt, he missed her. He really missed her and just wanted to see her, they had missed each other for a few days. He didn’t want to cry but he could feel his eyes start to tear up. 

He jumped up, went to the fridge, and pulled out a few containers leftovers from dinner a few nights ago. He stuck them in the microwave, not bothering to remove them from their containers. He bounced on his toes as the containers went round and round on the tray. Finally, the ding sounded and it was frenzy time. 

He removed the contents of the microwave, not caring that they were hot enough to burn his hands, and dug in. Fried rice, orange chicken, some kind of pork. It didn't matter. It all went in. He didn’t care that the outside was hot and the middle ice cold, he shoved it all into his mouth. He gorged past the point of physical pain finding relief from the empty feeling in being too full to breathe. He only stopped eating when the containers were empty. 

He leaned back away from the counter, wiping his dirty face with the back of his hand. All the thought in his head were gone as he focused on breathing through his full stomach. He steadied himself on his feet and went about breaking down and throwing the boxes away. He slowly ascended the stairs to his room, closing the door behind him. Carefully he laid on his side in bed before dozing off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment and let me know what you think ill love you forever if you comment!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back!! sorry this took so long omg, i had a monster of a paper due so i was busy but i havent forgotten this and i will finish it dont worry!

“Hi, who are you?” A far to perky voice sounded behind Kenma. It startled him making him jump and almost dropped his psp. He looked over his shoulder cautiously.

“um, hello?” Kenma said sort of confused as to why he was being talked to. There was a kid behind him with a wide, friendly smile and a shock of orange hair. 

He seemed to look Kenma over before practically jumping in surprise “ooooh you're a volleyball player!” He yelled. 

Kenma glanced around, uncomfortable with the stranger's intense stare “uh ya, I play”

“ah, thats so cool! I play too!” His whole face lit up. “Oh I'm being rude, hi my name is Hinata, what's yours” He extended his hand. Kenma just stared at it unsure of touching him.

“My name is Kenma” he was uneasy but Hinata's smile was so bright and his demeanor was so friendly it was felt less anxious to talk to him. 

“Hey Kenma,” Kuroo showed up. “we gotta go” he looked up at the orange haired boy “oh, what's this, you’re making friends?”

Kenma got up and waved “Well, I have to leave but it was nice meeting you.” 

As it would turn out the orange haired kid was on karasunos team. Kenma had thought that he was in elementary but he was actually a high school kid only a year younger than him. He was also incredibly impressive with an amazing jump and that killer quick. It took a while for Kenma to come up with a strategy to overcome it but luckily Inota, for all his over excitement, was reliable. It had been an intense and really fun game, with Nekoma taking the win. 

As Kenma was packing up his things to go home the rest of his team was seeing off Karisuno.

“Hey!” Kenma jumped at the excited voice her should be getting used to. He turned to see Hinata looking at him with a wide smile. “Your plays were so gah oh my god.”

Kenma couldn’t help but smile “Thanks, your quick was really good.”

“Oh, do you wanna exchange numbers!?” 

Kenma widened his eyes, surprised at Hinatas forwardness. “Um, sure, give me your phone.” They switched phones and Kenma entered his number.

Hinata waved as he loaded onto the bus. Kenma grabbed his bag, throwing it over his shoulder. Kuroo came up to him.

“Good game hu, time to head home” He gave Kenma that lazy haft smile of his that he always makes his heart flutter and he ducked his head. They headed off together toward home.

For the first time in a long time, Kenma didn’t binge after a match. Instead, he found himself too busy texting Shouyou.

'I'm still not over that sick dump you landed omg it was like bam!' He read the text with a smile on his face. Shouyou was so excitable his energy was infectious.

'Ty, it wasn't that great though just a standard play.' He texted back slightly bashful.

'So what game were you playing on your phone??' Shoyou replied quickly, suddenly jumping to a different topic, something Kenma noted he did quite a lot. He was still trying to get used to it.

Love Live it’s this game idol game Kenma texted away happy to be talking about a topic he loved so much.

They texted back and forth, a gentle smile on Kenmas face, his heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time. He heard the door open downstairs. Looking up from his home he noted that its soft blue light was the only one in his room.His mom must be home. He hadn’t even noticed it had gotten so late having been so wrapped up in shouyou. 

“Kenma I’m home he heard her say loudly up the stairs. She sounded tired.; he felt bad about the late hours she had to work. After a little bit, he smelt dinner being made. Usually, by now he had already binged so would be too sick to eat, but having not he found his stomach growling in hunger. 

Hey, I'm gonna eat dinner text you after 

Aaa of course! Hope the food is good~

Kenma set his phone down on his bed side table and got up. He walks quietly down the stairs stopping in the doorway to the kitchen not really knowing what to do with himself.

His mom was standing in front of a pan on the stove stirring the sizzling contents with a wooden spoon. A beep from the rice cooker grabbed her attention and she turned to check on it when out the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Kenma. She nearly jumped out of her skin leaning on the counter next to her with a hand over her heart trying to calm down.

“oh my god, honey you really scared me.” She went and opened the rice cooker before returning to the pan. 

The strangeness of the situation, of Kenmas appearance for dinner seem to hit her then. She started speaking again, slowly like she was trying not to spook a baby deer “Heya hone, I’m making stir fry if you maybe, wanted some?” Her voice trailed off at the end and she glanced over her shoulder at him with a look of longing. Kenma felt his heart ache a little.

“Ya that sounds good if you don’t mind I’d like a plate.” He said it tentatively still awkwardly standing in the doorway not really sure what to do with himself. It had been a while since he eaten at the table, let alone with his mom. After his parents split there were no more family dinners. 

His mom seemed to sense his discomfort because she quickly put the pan off the heat and rushed around the table wiping her hand on the towel over her shoulder to pull out a chair. ‘Here, I’ll get the plates!”

Like lightning, she moved to plate the rice and the contents of the pan onto dishes and place them in front of the two chairs at the small dining table.

She sat with a sigh of contentment “ok, that's everything. You can eat as much as you want.” She said reassuringly as she pilled rice and stir fry onto her plate.

Kenma picked up the wooden spoon and rolled a moderately sized portion of rice. After that, he filled the spoon with some the stirfry and set the spoon down.

For a moment he just looked at the food in front of him, at the beef and veg on topo of rice, a simple whole meal that he hadn’t had since the divorce. With deliberate movements, he picked up his fork and took a bite. It was good. It as really good. He took a few more bites before looking up at his mom. He sat his fork down.

“ So mom, how was your day?” She stopped eating and looked up, visibly surprised. They hadn’t really talked at all over the past months, as she had to admit she was rarely home anymore. 

“Um, it was good! I got all the returns I needed to done on time even though I though for sure they would be late.” She looked happy chatting about things Kenma didn’t understand but didn’t need to. He ate slowly while she spoke.

“How was your day? Didn’t you have a volleyball match?” She looked hopeful, her face more alive; she was so happy to be talking with him again.

“It went well, we won, but it was only a practice match.” He stopped himself for a moment. “Actually, I made a friend today.”

His mom looked ecstatic, smiling so widely. “Oh you did that's great honey, what's his name, does he go to your school, are they a he or-”

He cut her off not able to hold back his smile” his name is Hinata and he lives out of town.”

They talked and ate for the evening and he even helped dry the plates when they were done.

Back in his room, all ready to sleep he laid on his side, for once his stomach comfortably full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa it ends with kenma happy for once, but that wont last sadly. The next chapter isnt as far along as i want it to be so it may take a little while but im working on it! thank you for reading and please comment and let me know what you think!


	5. Oops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenmas routine is interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wacky wonton is a real restaurant that i get my take out from!  
> sorry for the really long wait, anyone still sticking with this i thank you a lot. i have a lot of mental illness but my ed got really bad and so writing this became very difficult, im not better sadly but i am determined to finish this. hope you like the chapter and that there arent too many errors!

it was finally friday. kenma sighed in relief. it was the one day he could count on being completely alone, mom off doing whatever she did after her work ended. in previous years he and kuroo would spend the night at each other's houses so they could play together all saturday but since becoming a third-year kuroos parents had made friday a study day. 

he kept the lights off in the house, still colored orange from the falling sun. he put his bag away, changed into his special pjs, which was just one of kuroos shirts that just he had accidentally left at his house and some stretchy pants and made his way back down the stair, phone and money in hand. he lifted the bread box to reveal a pile of take-out menus and easily picked out his favorite one, chinese take out. he set the money down, grabbed the menu, and leaned back against the counter phone in hand. he didn’t even need to look to dial their number, and he already knew their selection so there really was no need for the leaflet but he held on to it anyway. 

on the second ring he heard “hello this is wacky wonton, what can i get for you today?” mila said in her sickly sweet customer service voice.

“hey mila,”

he heard an intake of air “oh it's just you kenma, thank god omg”

“bad shift?”

she huffed into the phone “uh you have no idea, the rudeness of some people, i had one lady call me back because her delivery was taking too long, she did that ten minutes after she had ordered, just uhhhh.”

kenma listened quietly as his, sort-of friend vented a bit to him. he called here so often he had made a name for himself and knew everyone that worked there. “sorry you're having such a hard night, hope things get better.”

“me too. oh!” she shouted making kemna glad he kept the phone a bit away from his ear. “i totally forgot about your order! the usual?” 

“ya,” he looked at his money and thought of the extra stop yesterday for a bag of chips, “just without the miso soup.”

“ooo shaking up a bit, alright, order in and it's on its way! hope you enjoy your food.”  
kenma smiled a bit at her kindness, her bubbly personality reminding him of shouyo, 

“thanks, i will, and you have a good rest of your shift.” he said, before hanging up.   
he let out a puff of air. even pleasant conversation was still a bit difficult for him, but he could deal with it because the food was promised. he could deal with a whole hard week with mini binges on mondays and wednesdays, for the promise of this mega binge today. 

with food ordered came the difficult part, the wait. that heavy knawing deep in his gut just screamed and that strange tension was coming out after the hard week, finally so close to relief. he bounced on his toes before going into the living room.   
he sat gingerly on the couch, the room bearly lit as the sun had hide behind the tall buildings all around the house. he turned on the tv, blinking in the bright light, he flipped through a couple channels but finding nothing even mildly entertaining he gave up. he got off the couch making sure he hadn't moved anything and made his way back to the kitchen, he just played his favorite phone game till he heard the front door open. 

kenmas heart stopped. he walked slowly to the entrance of the kitchen. kuroo, big bag slung over his shoulder closed the door behind him. he turned around to see kenma staring at him like he'd seen a ghost. he rubbed the back of his already messy hair. 

“sorry, did i scare you? i shouldn't have just let myself in. i just had the key and didn’t want to bother you too much, but then, my coming over is probably a bother. hope you don’t mind?” he asked

it took kenma a moment to process what was happening before he replied “of course, i don’t mind. fight with your parents again?”

kuroo sighed and dragged his hand through his hair messing it up even further, he kicked off his shoes, nodding “ya,” kuroo had been coming to say at kenmas house to get some breathing room from his parents, a situation that been happening more and more frequently since he become a third year. “i'm gonna drop my stuff in your room real quick and then i'll come right dow-” 

“no!” kenma said loudly, startling both of them. kenma started to backpedal, feeling like he was falling all over himself. “what i mean is you don’t have to come back down, ill be up in a bit, ok.” he said quickly. 

kuroo looked at him strangely before he started back up the steps “ok,”

in the quiet of the house, he could hear kuroo moving around his room. his mind started racing the squeeze in his stomach painful. what was he going to do about- before he could even finish his thought the doorbell rang signaling that his delivery had arrived. kenma moved quickly, money in hand he threw open the door shoved the money at makoto and grabbed the two heavy bags “hey kenma-”

“sorry i can't talk right now, have a good shift.” he quickly shut the door and rushed to the kitchen. he could hear kuroo on the stairs. he was so panicked, there was enough food here to fill three, maybe four people, there was no way he could explain this much food. he ripped open one of the bags and started grabbing boxes and throw them into the fridge closing it behind him just as kuroo entered the kitchen.

“oh cool, you got food.” kenma nodded, trying to slow his breathing and act normal but his adrenalin was pumping too fast and his mind was racing. how does he explain all the food? 

kuroo started opening the bags and pulling out a container of rice and a tub of chicken. he kept taking out containers of delicious food, kenmas stomach still knawing at him to consume everything in sight even in the awful situation. “wow, you got a lot of stuff,” he looked at kenam smiling a bit though there was a bit of something under his mask “it’s almost like you knew i was coming!” his smile went away as he moved to the second bag. the table was filling up, and the more oversized boxes he removed the worse kenma felt. 

“ya um,” think of something he screamed in his head, anything “ya we uh, i get a lot because my mom and i usually eat together, but she couldn’t make it home because of a system malfunction that messed up some of her stuff i don’t know i couldn’t understand most of her text.”

kuroo was looking at him now, face casual, but kenma could see behind his mask easily and saw the disbelief and concern, that dreaded concern. he knew he wasn’t convincing but he found he couldn’t stop talking, voice getting a little louder as he spoke. “ya, so she texted me right after i had already ordered so i didn’t know and got enough for us both and we also, um, we have a lot of it for leftovers! my mom doesn't like pre-made lunch things you can get at the store so she takes leftovers and i eat a lot of it tomorrow night too because she won't be home till late and,” he felt his voice drift, mouth dry. “ya, so, i may have ordered too much this time though,”

kuroo was looking at him still with that look of concern and something else, something even kenma didn’t know under his casual look. “well, i hope you don’t mind if i eat a bit since you got more than usual? it hopefully won't ruin your routine.” he smiled, but they both knew it was fake. 

“ya sure, let me get the plates and you can have as much of whatever you want.” kenma turned to get the plates and kuroos mask fell a bit, looking over the massive amount of food on the table. something was wrong with his best friend, and he was going to find out what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a fun note, this exact thing happened to me! my friend found my stash of 6 family sized chip bags and i had to explain why i had them hidden so... ya, hope you liked this chapter, im working on the next one!


	6. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! it's been forever but i haven't forgotten this. it's my goal to finish this year. i know it's been a long time, but with work and school its been hectic and im not doing so great mental health wise so ya. But enough with the excuses here is the chapter, hope it's worth the wait!

Kuroo knew better to pry at Kenma. One wrong question and he'd snap closed as a shell. So, he didn’t; he piled on the fried rice and topped it with some chicken. He watched out of the corner of his eye Kenma moving around the table a bit, not really knowing what he wanted to get. He passed a rice container to him

“Here have this.” Kenma nodded and put a small portion of rice and chicken on his plate. Kuroo went up the steps to Kenma room. He heard Kenma start to put the leftovers away before he followed. 

Kuroo immediately went to the bed. He kept his plate of food balanced on his lap as he wiggled a little trying to get a comfortable spot. Kenma set the laptop down in front of them. He settled in, plate on his lap and clicking to open Netflix.

“What do you want to watch?” He asked just as Kuroo shoved a fork full of rice in his mouth. He tried talking through the food in his mouth but Kenma cut him off, mischief on his face. “Romcom is a great choice.”

Kuroo swollen looking over at him, “Meany.”

Kenma ignored him scrolling, “27 dresses you say, another great choice Kuroo.” 

Kuroo throw his head back in a grown, “We’ve seen this movie like ten times.”

“And it gets better every time.” He popped a bit of chicken into his mouth, eyes on the screen. 

Neither of them could focus on the movie, too caught up in their own thoughts. Kenma was worried about Kuroo knowing too much. He’d been sloppy and was still a bit wound up, the need to binge still itching at his as he paced his eating. Kuroo was a ball of stress, so much going through his mind. Kenma noticed the fast pace of his eating and the tense way he sat and put his own baggage away to help his friend. Just his friend, he thought sadly. 

“Ya know, that dress isn't super ugly or anything, the other is though definitely.” Kuroo said eye focused on the screen, putting his fork for another bite, “So glad you got this, I really needed something grease.”

Kenma looked between the screen and Kuroos face, the stress in his expression made more clear in the shadows the laptop's light threw in the dark room. Kenma tentatively pressed pause on the movie.

“Kuroo.” Kenma said softly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kuroo tore his eyes away from the screen focusing on Kenma's. He put his fork down deflating a bit. 

“The usual” He sighed and wiggled a bit on the bed, “They are mad about the test scores for my honors literary class.” He started to prickly a bit, running his hands through his already messy hair. “I got one of the top scores in the class but I wasn’t the best so obviously I'm slacking off and I'm going to fail out of school and work in a convenience store or something I don’t know, they yell the same shit at me.” He shoved a fork full of rice into his mouth crumpling a little into himself. Around the food, he mumbled, “I don’t see what’s so wrong with working at a corner store anyway.”

Kenma waited quietly, his full attention on Kuroo as he swallowed his food.

He shook his head a bit, trying to stay calm, “Nothing is ever enough for them ya know? I put in all these hours studying and I do well on the court and I've already have schools trying to win me over and just.” He slumped down, defeated “I’m never good enough.” 

Kenma hesitated for a moment before he laid his hand softly on Kuroo's arm, trying to put all his feelings into his touch. “You did great.” His soft voice hanging in the air.

Kuroo looked over at him, shocked. Kenma usually didn’t say much when he vented.

Kenma seemed to have shocked himself a bit too, but he kept going. “On your test, good job on your hard work. It's amazing how much you do, how hard you try. You're an amazing person and I lo-” Kenma clammed up immediately, looked down at his mostly empty plate, light from the laptop illuminating his face in the darkness. “admire. I mean, that's something I've always admired about you.” Kenma was glad the room was dark because his cheeks were getting a bit warm.  
Kuroo was stunned, a strange pulling in his chest. He smiled at Kenma, “Thank you, I think this is the first time you're ever complimented me.” He said in a teasing tone.  
Kenma ducked his head “Well don’t get used to it. I wanna watch the movie now.” He restarted the movie, the sounds of a drunken Jenny and the Jets karaoke filled the air.  
Kuroo took there mostly empty plates and reached over a bit to set it on the desk next to Kenma's bed. Kuroo sat back, settling against his friend. He felt all the negative emotions that had been eating away at him subside. He tried to focus back on the movie but he found himself focusing more on where his arm and knee touched Kenma. He wrote it off as it being about how nice it was to be around him and his warmth.

Kuroo woke up early, the sunlight slipping through the blinds of the window, hitting him right in the face. He tried to turn away from the light and get up but a tug on his shirt stopped him, Kenma was curled into his chest, his own arm having been resting on him. Kuroo felt a pang in his chest as he looked over Kenma. His face was soft, breathing through his slightly opened mouth, his hair, messy, sprayed over the bed. Kuroo watched him the gentle rise and fall of his chest, his eyes softening. For a few moments, he felt so peaceful before he caught himself. It hit him that he was creepily watching his friend sleep. He face went red instantly and he panicked, pulling out of Kenma’s hands and seating himself upright. 

The sudden movement woke Kenma up and he cutely rubbed his eyes. 

Kuroo panicked a bit at his thought process, kicking himself for thinking his friend was ‘cute’. “Good morning! Time to get up for the day.” He lopped over Kenma and out of the bed popping up hands on his hips heart racing. 

Kenma growned and rolled over to grab his phone. “Uh Kuroo, it’s six in the morning and we’re not do till way later. ‘S too early.” He curled into his sheets, digging his head into the pillow. 

“Whatever sleepyhead. I’m going to get my day started at least. I’ll come get you when I'm done ok” He said, still high strung. He grabbed his bag at the foot of Kenma's bed and left the room.

Out in the hallway, he rested his back against the door, hand over his racing heart. He couldn’t understand his own feelings. He’d been over at Kenma’s house and had even shared a bed with him before but for some reason, this felt different. It felt so-he struggled to find the right word, intimate maybe? 

Bag in hand, he went to get towels out of the hall closet and went into the bathroom, hoping a quick rinse would calm him down. As he sat under the spray, thinking, it hit him, like a ton of bricks. He was in love with Kenma. He was really in love with his best friend. His eyes went wide, and he was stuck rooted to the spot not even noticing the water running cold. 

After a bit, he snapped out of it and turned off the water. He got into the clothes he’d packed and went down to the kitchen glad that Kenma was still asleep. His brain felt stuck like he’d malfunctioned. He was a quick thinker, and a sly guy. He prided himself on being good at reading situations and knowing the feelings of others but couldn’t even figure out his own. 

He rubbed his face, trying to put it out of his mind. He went to gather ingredients for some pancakes but what he found in the fridge stopped him in his tracks. It was packed to the brim with food. Tons of take-out leftovers just like last night, but more from other places too. There was a ton of ready to eat meals from the convenience store. Just tons of food stored away. There was just no way that two people could eat this much, it just wasn’t possible. He closed the fridge, still wide-eyed and confused. He tried to shake it off, thinking that there must be some explanation for the stockpile. Kenma’s mom usually wasn’t home, they may just buy in bulk.

He scratched his head and started looking through the surprisingly bare carboards. They didn’t have any real food. He was running out of ideas as to what to make. 

Finally, Kuroo turned to the pantry that usually only held soup. He opened it to revile a ton of garbage bags. Confused he open the door completely and one tipped over spilling a bit on the floor. What he saw horrified him. It was a mass of snack wrappers. Candy’s and chip bags stuffed full. The sheer amount of food was startling, and he couldn’t understand why it was stored. There was just so much stacked in there that Kuroo couldn’t ignore it. 

He was brought out of his thoughts by a load bump upstairs and a racing of feet coming closer. He quickly shoved the fallen bag back into the pantry and closed the door. He stepped away from it, trying to hide his shock.

“Kuroo!” Kenma said loudly, looking disheveled. “It’s ok, I’ll make us food. You didn’t go the cabinets, yet did you?” He sounded so panicked Kuroo shock his head.

Kuroo knew that if he said anything now he’d be pushing too hard and Kenma would make excuses. He wanted to get the truth he’d have to figure it out himself. He just waved it off. “Ah, not really, I got lazy. Anyway, hurry up slow poke.” 

Kenma passed him walking into the kitchen. “We have cereal, I’ll make us bowls, you can go upstairs." He was still tense, unsure and kicking himself for not thinking this through and hiding his stash. Kuroo got the message and walked toward the stairs.

“Alright.”

Kenma didn’t take long to follow him up to his room. They got comfortable on his floor and turned the tv on. They ignored it as they ate. 

“So, what do you want to do before afternoon practices?” Kuroo asked around a mouth full of food. 

“Play video games and probably go back to sleep.”

Kuroo shook his head. “Wrong answer. Ok, how about a movie? There's that cool sci-fi one, I’ll look up times.” Kenma resigned himself to a day of being tugged around by Kurro and found that he wasn’t  
too upset about the idea.

\----------------

That afternoon they headed from the movie to practice, stopping at the house to pick up their bags. They walked across the nearly empty schoolyard, the only other people there being the baseball team. 

Kuroo unlocked the gym door and they entered. They, well, Kuroo readied the gym, joined shortly by their manager. Like all practice, the other trickled in around the start time. It went as normal, moving through drills.

Kuroo took a break from serving to walk over to the middle of the court and lean against the wall, watching his teammates and seeing any holes in their play. He found himself watching Kenma, mind jumbled up.

“If your mind was going any faster steam would be coming out of your ears.” Kuroo jumped a little and turned his head to look at Yaku. He leaned back against the wall next to him, staring at the others playing. “So whats on your mind?” 

Kuroo turned back and didn’t take his eyes off the court simply trying to mask his feelings. “I’m just doing what a captain should, see where we can improve.”

“You finally realized hu,” Yaku said, completely ignoring Kuroo. 

Kuroo felt his stomach drop a bit, knowing exactly what Yaku was talking about. “I’m not sure what you're-“

“That you love Kenma.” Yaku said cutting off Kuroo. “What are you gonna do it?”

Kuroo paused for a moment before he let his shoulders drop a bit. “I don’t know yet.”

Yaku made a noise. “Well, you're going to tell him of course and,” He stopped suddenly, eyes trained on Kuroo’s face, who was still turned to the court. “That’s not all that’s on your mind.” 

Kuroo finally looked away from the court at Yaku. He let his mask slip a bit as he said: “I can always trust you?”

Yaku nodded “Of course, with anything.”

Kuroo sighed, shoulders sagging a bit. He said in a low voice, “There’s something, wrong with Kenma. It’s just, well.” He ran his hand through his hair, struggling to find the words. “It’s like, he’s hoarding food. I was at his house and he had a ton of take-out, like enough for the whole team, and he looked so shaken up about it.”

Yaku’s eyes widened but he kept his physical composure “You sure he wasn’t having anyone over or anything?” Kuroo nodded. Yaku clenched his jaw, crossing his arms he said simply “I think I might know whats going on but I can’t be sure. I’ll text you about it after practice ok?” Kuroo wished he could calm down but with the serious look on Yaku’s face, it only made him more on edge. “Anyway, I have to get back,” Kuroo watched as Yaku pushed off the wall. “Lev, time for receives!” Lev straightened after having spiked the ball, whining. 

Kuroo straightened too and walked over to Kenma. “So, I think it’s time for you to practice blocking.” Kuroo’s chest tightened at Kenma’s cute pout. “No excuses."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! it's all coming together now! (back when my binging was really bad i had to hide the rappers and stuff to avoid any questions so that's what Kenma is doing if you're confused. I had a hard time figuring out how to incorporate that in and for it to make sense. He's waiting for trash day so he can get rid of it all at once.) Thank you so much for reading!! it means so much to me, any kudos or comments it get make me so happy! it may take a while but i will complete this, i promise! thank you again for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> please comment and let me know what you think!


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